Friday, November 27, 2009
Daughters & Fathers
It amazes me when adult survivors of abuse are surprised when their fathers (or mothers) tell them, 'I love you', 'You are such a wonderful daughter' (or son) or, 'I am so proud of you', etc. Shouldn't they have been hearing that all their lives? Why should this be a surprise? I, too, know this all too well.
It saddens me to think it may be years for some survivors to wait to hear these words (or for some they may never hear these words from their parents).
It's only been approximately a month since my father and I have been reuinted. Since that time, we have been communicating via phone and e-mail. It's been wonderful. We have a lot of lost time to catch up on. Most survivors have a hard time with trust, a known fact. I am just learning from my stepmother many things about my father from years past, that I believe had I known years ago, may have changed how I viewed my father, as well as myself. *NOTE - My father was not my abuser
As a mature adult, I realize we can not go back in time. Knowing that, I must take newly learned information and do what is best, and use it to it's fullest potential.
I think if I can learn from the past, maybe we can open the doors for the future generations.
Thirty years have past since my rape, tears, pain, not to mention bruises and horrific relationships on my part. But you see, it's not just about the rape. It's a lot more than that. It's what was not done afterward. It was the lack of effort on my parents end. It was the lack of emotions showed to me. That is where a lot my pain came from. Then entered many unhealthy relationships! I also want to learn about why he did not do the things he "should have done" (I feel he should have done). Why he didn't communicate his feelings with me.
Why do some men communicate things with their daughters and some do not?
Daughters need to hear what their daddies are thinking and feeling Fathers!
Survivors want to hear from You!
Awareness is awareness. It is time that PARENTS own up to their end of the bargain. The insight I may learn from my father may be well worth digging into. I realize going in that it will be painful, but I feel that what I may end up finding is some valuable information that can be shared to prevent unhealthy relationships from happening in other families.
Something went very wrong a long time ago. We can't fix what happened 30 years ago, but we may be able to find out what could have been done differently, and share with others so they can change their lives now.
Of course, this is on the assumption that my father is willing. I am hoping that he will (positive assumption on my part), but through all the conversations we have had up to this point, and he has expressed his joy and proudness of my journey in life thus far; if he understands the depth his knowledge (and pain) would bring to myself and others, I welcome it with open arms (and wings).
I continue to inspire and empower survivors of abuse. That is my goal. Thank you Angela Shelton. I love you.
My story is forever ongoing, and I would have it no other way.
*NOTE - Not all survivors are able to have a positive relationship with their parents. This is an individual situation.