Friday, April 25, 2008

Freedom is Beautiful!

I've been trying to come up with the word that best describes how I felt yesterday...

Nothing seems to be quite the right adjective...

For the past 29 years I have been triggered by many things of my past sexual abuse in my childhood...smells, sounds, peoples faces, mustaches, dark hair, fireworks, rifles, a specific look on someone's face, certain songs....Yes, even certain songs..

Yesterday I was driving to one of the area high schools for a presentation and a song came on the radio (which in the past I would typically just turn the radio OFF)...but I left it on...the song, "Knock on Wood"...can't remember the name of the Artist, but was quite popular in the early '80s...

Anyhooo...I was getting RIGHT into the music! I was boogying in my T-bird all the way through the song! IT FELT SOOO GOOD! Finally! What a break-through in music. I've always loved my music and dancing and used to love that song BEFORE....before it was on the radio in the family room when my uncle decided to drag me upstairs, when I was 14...I used to always associate that song with HIM! Not anymore!!

Many other triggers have worked their way through my healing past, but certain songs have still stayed inside the scared child within...That scared child has broken through and has soared and is dancin' away!!

I think I gave my BEST presentation yesterday...Funny how things give you STRENGTH!

The more you LET GO, the more you have to GIVE to OTHERS!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008